you're my rollercoaster.

and so.
nessa was just to freaking lazy to go to school.
and so.
she sits her ass in united square and sipping hot chocolate.
what a way to betray my working place cause macafe has much nicer hot chocolate cause its tastes like chocolate and not like plenty of milk with a tiny bit of chocolate powder.
trust me.
i've made plenty of hot chocolates.
and vanillas too.

and i don't know how long i can last.
studying and working at the same time.
i mean.
its was alright at chinatown point.
6 to 1030.
i would be home by eleven.
and there won't be much to do.
and there were enough space to walk around.
heck.
there would be enough place for me to run and be high.

so nessa is just waiting for her mother to wake up.
go to work.
and she would go home to sleep until god knows when.
a perfect idea.

i'll put up sean's post later.
whee!
and i think he should update too.

and sorry amazing!
haha.
i'll ask my M-----R for you.
i just messaged him.
cause i thought you weren't sure.
haha.
who knows?
i get to be the one to bully you non stop.
but i love you anyway.

you;
i don't wish to carry on like this anymore.
do you?
honestly?
how long do you want to keep doing this?
i didn't say hi for no reason.
you were the one who said that you had enough.
and so i let you do what you want to.
i was hurt.
and i still am.
i was just hoping that you would see from my point of view.
but tis alright.
i'll just let the past be in the past.
i don't care much on horrible memories though.
i'm through with being unhappy.
and they know hwo much i've tried to be happy.
maybe it was stupid to run away and drown myself with work so that i wouldn't have free time to think about things that matter.
but nessa has grown up.
claire is finally gone.
like.
finally gone.
i just want you to know.
i'm on the way there.
and i hope that you can be there with me when i really am.
i've neevr stopped being there for you.
which was why i tried to say hi.
well.
i'm still here.
just praying that you would know that.
i'll never.
never ever turn you away.

and when nessa gets home.
she will...
dig her piggy bank.
cause she will be going broke.
trust me.
i know.
cause tomorrow is the 13th.


in a way.
i feel like i want to stay like this forever.
i don't wish for another year to pass.
maybe i'm just scared.
i mean.
its only once that people turn sixteen.
and well.
i so happen to love my 16th way more than the first 15.
sure.
it was one heck of a ride.
what if i didn't take some chances?
what if i refused to let somethings go?
what if i refused to be forgiving?
what if i listened to what others said and not follow my own heart?
where would it lead me?
this particular year was one hell of a ride for me.
just when i thought that it was just going to be an ordinary year for me.
i was so bloody wrong.
so amny ups and downs in my life.
i've learnt to love.
i've learnt heartbreak.
i've learnt to take it in my stride.
i've learnt to try and try and try.
and even though there were sometimes i iwsh i didn't learn.
well.
i think God really knows what he's doing.
he's trying to make me stronger.
even thoguht its by the hardest way known to me.
liek a blow after blow.
but along the way.
i feel that maybe there were greater joys.
sure.
there might have been days where i cried until my eyes are so freaking disgusting.
but i've laughed like i never laughed before.
and i took chances that didn't seem worth it to some other people.
and i've loved like i've never loved before.
i know i've hurt some people.
and i know that i've diappoint some.
but all in all.
things like this don't happen all the time now do they?
what would 17 hold for me?
would it be better.
or would i go on with it and constantly holding onto memories that make this year really special?
i don't know really.
i can only hope for the best can't i?

claire, jsut go to hell would you?
thank you very much.